So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
