Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
