I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
