You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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