When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
