If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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