so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize