so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
