yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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