my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
