She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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