nut hugger
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
