We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
