remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
