sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
