I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
