I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
