Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
