I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
