hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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