i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
