He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
