I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
