Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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