ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
