My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
