He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
