omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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