I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
