its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
