it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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