My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
