Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
