I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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