How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
