And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
