She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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