Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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