At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
