I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
