grandma shit on top of the toilet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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