i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
