ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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