I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
