Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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