We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
