I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
