Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
