she was so not down for the gang bang
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
