Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
