marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
