Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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