she was so not down for the gang bang
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize