I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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