the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
