the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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