He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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