eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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