You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
